The Apple of God's Eye

I was born into a world void of my parents’ love and affections.  I was a victim of sexual abuse from my father and neglect from my mother.

Today, I am saved!  My Savior Jesus Christ rescued me.  He made me a survivor—a conqueror— through the blood He shed for me on the cross. 

One day not so long ago following a divorce, I cried out to my God.  “I wish I were the apple of someone’s eye!” He answered me.  Shortly after my prayer, I found in Psalm 17:8 these words, “Keep me as the apple of Your eye!”  And again in Deuteronomy 39:10, it says, “He guarded him as the apple of His eye.”

Wow! I had always longed to be special to someone.  All of my adult life I sought affection from men—to be told by another that I was beautiful and loved.  All of my early years I spent my days imagining that someone were watching me.  Strange as it sounds I remember this.  I would be drawing at the kitchen table while Dad was running around with other women, and Mom at work, and I would imagine that someone was looking through the window and watching me.  Year after year I did this. 

Yesterday I took my six year old to his first hip-hop dance lesson.  There was a small window in the door of the dance studio that I repeatedly peaked through so that I could see my youngest son perform his happy dance steps.  Most peaks, I came away with a chuckle in my heart and on my lips.  I wanted so much to just stand there and watch him every minute of the class, but I didn’t dare, as I would have annoyed the dance teacher who would have had to fight for the attention of her little dance students. 

I walked down the hall and found the gymnasium where young female gymnasts practiced their forward cartwheels on the balance beam and lanky-legged girls swirled around the uneven bars.  I sat and observed along with two other mothers.  Two things struck me as I sat in amazement at the awesome tricks that these girls fearlessly performed.  I noticed that most of the girls before performing a trick would look towards the window where we parents sat.  And then upon completion of the trick they would look up once again.  I thought, “They want to be noticed.  They are seeking encouragement prior to their trick, and upon completion, they seek to be felt proud of, and to have their efforts applauded.”  One mother did exactly that.  The class was only a practice, but this mother following her daughter’s performance sprung up off her seat, clapped her hands loudly, and yelled, “Good one Sandra!”  A part of me wished that I were that girl, that I had that mother. 

As I drove away from the dance studio with my son, I felt God speak to me.  His words brought tears to my eyes.  My Father said to me, “I have always had my eye on you.  I watch you.  I see the good things that you do.  I see the choices that you make because you wish to please Me.  I applaud you and I am proud of you Holly.  You are the apple of My eye.”     

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