A friend I hadn’t heard from in a
while asked me on Facebook how I was doing.
I thought for a minute before responding, “I’m living a dream.” Since that day I began thinking of how very
true that statement was.
One may look at my life
and not see anything significant. One
may see that I do not have worldly success (I do not even have a job), fame or
fortune. What I do have is a husband
whom I love and loves me in return, three healthy boys whom I care for and
nurture, and most of all, my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. This may not seem like a great feat, or anything
to boast of, but if you knew my past, you might think differently.
As a child—abused by my
father, neglected by my mother, and feeling abandoned by both—I spent my play
time playing “house.” It was my favorite
thing to play. I would insist on being
the mother and I would rock my baby doll in my arms and coo to her, just the
way I had desired my mother to do. Since
then, I possessed a nurturing spirit about me that is still with me today. Not only do I pour out my motherly care upon
my children, but upon my adult nieces and nephews, and my peers as well.
When I came to the Lord at
the age of twenty I refrained from asking God to help me to find a
husband. I didn’t have confidence in
myself that I could have a healthy, loving relationship with a man in marriage,
nor did I feel that I could raise children with the love that they needed. After all, I never was the recipient of this
kind of love. Thus I felt that I didn’t
have it in me to give.
Over time, God began
changing my heart and mind. Little by
little, His love transformed me. And as
His love poured into my heart and healed my heart, love began to pour out of me
into others. Because of this work that
God was doing in me, I began to pray and ask God to send me a husband, a man
who seeks after His heart. Throughout my
twenties, I clung to this dream of having a healthy, loving relationship with a
man of God, and to rear healthy, holy children together. When I speak of having a healthy relationship
with a man, I mean that it would not be characteristic of the types of
dysfunction that my parents possessed. I
desired a relationship that was filled with love, peace, and joy—not anger,
hatred, and violence, like I witnessed as a child.
I married at thirty to a man
of God. Even so, we were still sinners,
and made many mistakes. We fell short of
behaving as husband and wife in a way that was pleasing to God. Of the eight years that we were married, I
continued to pray that God bring my dream to fruition, but there were many
obstacles to this end. We endured many
trials such as: I suffered from
post-partum depression for years unknowingly; our second child had mental
health issues; I had four miscarriages.
In the midst of the trials was the baggage that my husband and I carried
into the marriage. An unfortunate fact
is that my husband became so busy with life that he didn’t turn to God for
help. So even though we prayed together
and sought God’s grace in our life before marriage, it stopped once we were
married.
I pressed on in striving
to fulfill my dream. I not only prayed
and put my faith in God that He would bring it to pass, but I also put much
time and effort in doing my part.
Throughout the eight years of marriage I attended counseling, read books
on how to be a good wife and mother, listened daily to Focus on the Family
(hosted by family psychologist Dr. James Dobson), attended parenting workshops,
and attended a twelve- step support group called CoDependency Anonymous, in the
hopes of behaving healthier in my marriage.
And after all that, my marriage failed.
At the time of my divorce I had two children, ages six and seven, and
was pregnant with our third child. Where
was my dream then?
Within the year following
my divorce, God reminded me of my dream.
I had lost mind of it for a while, but God brought it to mind, and with
it, He gave me hope and faith to believe that I could still have it. I had the knowledge from God’s Word that “with
God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26) and I believed it to be
true. My faith was not unfounded. Only three years had passed when God blessed
me with a second chance—my husband Steve.
Steve and I have been
married four years, and every day that has passed, I realize that I am living
my dream! In my dream these past twenty
years I had a husband who was loving and kind, and who loved the Lord; healthy
children who also loved the Lord. We
lived in a home that was filled with love, peace and joy; laughter and fun—a
home that was safe and nurturing. Let me
encourage you as I share the fruit of my prayers. (“May God powerfully bring to fruition every
effort of your faith.” 2 Thessalonians 1:11)
I wake each morning to
Steve’s words as he whispers in my ear, “I love you Holly.” As Steve goes off to work, I go about my
duties as a stay-at-home mom. I value
this tremendously as it has always been my desire to give my children all that
I didn’t have—not toys or fancy clothes—a mom—my time. This includes being home to pack their
lunches for school, wishing them a happy day when they leave in the morning,
having snacks ready for them when they get home, helping them with their
homework, playing a game of cards, and tucking them into bed at night with a
prayer and a kiss. I am so grateful to
be home that I don’t even mind the other not-so-glamorous tasks such as
cleaning the toilets or washing dirty underwear.
My prayer to God has
always been that my husband and children know Him and love Him. Two years ago I began to pray and have faith
in God’s Word that “Me and my household will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) Little by little since then I have seen God
moving in Steve and the boys, bringing them closer to Him. Steve and I began going to a new church this
past year and we anxiously wait for Sundays when we get to worship God—the God
who brought us together. Steve serves in
a ministry at church, attends Bible classes and fellowships in small
groups. It is wonderful to share my
faith with him, and I am so grateful to God for this.
My teen boys have been attending the youth group
at our church and since then, Steve and I are seeing changes in them that
testify that they are experiencing Jesus in a personal way. My thirteen old posted these words on
Facebook this past Thanksgiving, “No one’s going to stop me from being addicted
to my Lord Jesus Christ. I thank you for
changing my life. Everybody needs you
and I pray that soon enough they will realize that. I love you Jesus.” Not only are my teen boys being touched by
God’s grace. Last week my six year old
wrote a book as he sat at our kitchen table, entitled “I Love Myself.” His last words in the book say, “But most of
all, I love myself because God loves me.”
Sweet words to a praying mother.
I can also testify that
God answered my prayer that my children be healthy. Approximately one year ago God healed my son
of early-onset bipolar. He was on a very
potent drug for nine years until God told me to stop praying for his
healing. My son has gone fourteen months
without medication and without the horrible symptoms of bipolar. Not only did God heal my son, but he also
healed me of twenty years clinical depression, and two years of severe
fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have
been walking in freedom from mental and physical health issues for about two
years now. So you see…as I gaze out the
window of our peaceful, country home, my thoughts are raised to God. He fulfilled the promise that He made to me
twenty years ago… “Keep all my decrees and laws and follow them…you will
possess their land; I will give it to you as an inheritance, a land flowing
with milk and honey.” (Leviticus 20:22,
24) God has satisfied the desires of my
heart and has provided for all of my needs…and so—I am living a dream!
Go to Holly's website. Buy her books. Be inspired.
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