How I
longed to hear those words, “You are beautiful.” From the time I realized that I could attract
attention from boys, I did all I could to extract love, admiration, and a sense
of self-worth from them. I was a girl
who didn’t hear those words from her daddy or her mommy, thus I didn’t receive
validation. My father sexually abused me
and my mother neglected me.
Between the age of 12 (the age I
entered womanhood) and 24, I sought this validation from the opposite sex. I must have dated dozens of boys, or young
men. But this all changed after I began
walking with Jesus. I accepted Him into
my heart, and it wasn’t long after that, that God, my heavenly Father set me
straight.
I had been
dating a young man and we were falling in love.
But suddenly it all fell apart. I cried out to God in my pain and soon
after, discovered that He heard my prayers. A week later, I was hanging out with
a mature Christian friend when I told him that on the two previous evenings, I
had woken at the same time-3:16 a.m. He
told me that if it happened a third evening that I should ask God what He
wanted to tell me. My friend told me
that sometimes God wakes us up when all is still and quiet, when it is easier
for us to hear Him.
That
evening, it happened again. I told God,
“I am listening. What do you want to say to me?” Then it happened. God spoke to me. I didn’t hear an audible
voice, but words came to my mind, and then feelings followed. God brought to mind an experience that I had
not long before this evening. A person I
had never met walked up to me and told me how much God loved me. It was an incredible experience; one that
left me weeping. I was convinced I had
been visited by an angel. As this memory came to my mind, I felt God say to me,
“Why are you seeking elsewhere?” I
love you. I think you are
beautiful.” God knew that I had been
looking to earthly beings (men) to fulfill this need in me. This single moment, at 3:16 a.m., changed my
life.
I never again tried to attract the
attention of a man. I believed that when it was time for me to meet my
mate-for-life, God would bring him to me.
I told my girl friends, “When God feels it’s time, He will send my
husband knocking on my door. I do not have to go looking and scheming to find
him.” Within two years, those same girl
friends witnessed that what I had believed, God had brought to fruition. I married a man who came knocking on the door
of my home!
I learned a valuable lesson from
God through this experience. God will not bless us with the right companion until
we look to him first to fill our need for love.
We all have an empty hole inside of us which we often try to fill with people
and things. But only God, our Maker, can
fill this hole. If we join together in
marriage hoping that our mate will fill it, we will continue to find that hole
empty. We will feel disappointment and
continue to seek other people or things to fill it. If we look to God, He will fill us up to the
brim with His unconditional love, to the point that it will be overflowing. We will then be equipped to love our life-long
mate the way that God calls us to.
